Sofa King Epic

With Sarah about to start a new job, primarily based from home, we decided it was long time due for an apartment overhaul and Ikea-purge. 85% of our furniture comes from Ikea, and it's felt somewhat too college, too temporary, for us to truly feel at home anymore.

The futon in particular bore the brunt of our nausea. It used to be some kind of cream colour, but time and food stains and general wear reduced the slip to something akin a tie-dyed unbleached cloth diaper. It draped an increasingly lump mattress. There was no back support to speak of - indeed, you'd often find us slouch low, way low, with our necks folded up against the back.

The wooden slats beneath the mattresses, well, two had snapped in a couple of places each. Duct tape ensured they not go anywhere.

You get the idea.

Other than a few flourishes, the main objectives of The Master Plan involved replacing the desk, getting some better lighting, new mattresses for the bedroom, and a sofa.

We scored a gorgeous sofa from Aaron and Jen, friends from work. Now, to get it in the apartment.

Our pad is on the top floor of a large house in Toronto's west end. It probably used to be an attic or somesuch. Now it's a 1 bedroom spread at the top of an old, creaky, winding, and terribly narrow staircase. We knew there'd be no way we'd get the sofa or the mattresses up that way.

So, up the back, and through the bedroom patio it would go.


We called in the heavyweights, Sarah's parents and brother. They brought the rope, the muscle, the patience, and the dinner (we provided the challenge and the booze). The little iron balcony Linda is standing on is the goalpost.

Things got started around 7 pm. We knew it was going to be a pain (a certain father in-law did, in fact, mouth the words "This is gonna be a b*tch," while pointing at the couch), but I doubt anyone anticipated we wouldn't be eating a meal until 11:30.

So, the trick was to tie up three ropes to the thing, and try to haul it up to the second floor deck. From there, we'd regroup, and push the thing up the last hurrah.


Gord and Matthew took care of roping it up, while I sent down an extra line from the 2nd floor deck to receive the rope and haul back up for the Big Pull.


Then it was a "simple" matter of hauling ass, pulling tight, struggling to clear the odd wooden planks that stuck out past the first floor decking, and getting the damn thing to climb.


The plastic drop sheet did what it could to protect the fabric, but I'd be lying if I said the arms didn't take a bit of dirt up with it.


In the end, it took: me on a ladder from the second floor deck, pushing up; the other men pulled. The ladies (Sarah and Linda) also jumped in, each adding some muscle to the two ropes Gord and Matthew worked.

Finally, there was an excellent victory cry heard likely around the block. By 10 pm (ish), we had suceeded. New mattresses and a new sofa were in, officially, our newly renewed pad.


You know, until we move.